The Seed and the Story: Visiting Decoration Days: A Pilgrimage to Arkansas from California

Photo from Karen Alexander-Stoeckel of her Grandma, Ocie Hance-Alexander (in blue dress) with her brothers and sisters at the gravesites of their parents, Greeny and Dora Hance. Needmore Cemetery, Arkansas.

Beginning this weekend people throughout the area will engage in the decades old tradition of Decoration Days, placing flowers on the graves of their loved ones and transforming the cemeteries into vibrant landscapes of color.  The very first column, which ran in May of last year, was about this tradition and how it can connect families and communities across generations, reminding us that, as long as we keep their stories alive, the dead are always with us.

I asked others to share their stories and a woman here in Arkansas mailed the column to her niece, Karen Alexander-Stoeckel in Cambira, California.  This past week Karen contacted me by email to share her beautiful story, and she said I could share it with you all.

Her father Virgil “Odell” Alexander was born in Casa in 1929 to Robert Alexander and Ocie Hance-Alexander, and as a child he “loved to hunt in the hills with his coonhounds and bring wildlife home to tame as pets.”  At the age of five, he picked cotton to supplement the family’s income, later working in a lumber mill near Petit Jean. In 1953 he moved to California where he began work in the dairy business. He and his wife had five sons and one daughter, Karen.   Here is how she describes her relationship to Decoration Days:

My brothers and I were born and raised in California and Arkansas seemed like a distant planet to us.  The stories my daddy shared with us were rich with lessons he had learned and the love of his Hance and Alexander family.  As children, we only made a few trips back east to visit our grandparents because Daddy’s work schedule was so demanding.  I remember the well on the back porch of Grandma’s house and how cold and sweet the water was.  The fireflies in her front yard were a sight I’ve never seen anywhere else. 

The letters from home were precious to my daddy.  He prized the photos that his mama would send every year that were taken on Decoration Day at the Needmore Cemetery.  Photos of relatives in their Sunday best and women wearing corsages , standing or sitting near grave sites that were splendid with flowers.  As a child I did not understand my daddy’s fondness for these pictures of grave sites and was too young to appreciate the culture they derived from.

Grandma and Grandpa are gone now and so are the letters and photos from home on Decoration Day.  The relatives who gathered in those old pictures are also gone or soon will be and the love of my life, my daddy, passed away last October.  My brothers and I are having a memorial service for him here in California and then I will be bringing his ashes home to Arkansas where he requested they be laid to rest.

When I come to Arkansas, I will be attending my very first Decoration Day at Needmore Cemetery and words cannot express how emotional I feel about being near so many of my family laid to rest there.  Because of the oral history my daddy passed down to his children, I will not merely be reading names on headstones but remembering that my great-great grandfather, John Henry Alexander was remembered as being able to “sit a good horse” and walked every day down to the general store with the aid of his cane to enjoy talking, whittling, chewing tobacco and in general passing the time of day.  I have gathered bouquets of Lavender from my back yard and I have them drying to take with me to Needmore Cemetery to be lain in honor and respect to all those who lived before and are now rejoicing with my daddy.

I’m bringing my camera too.  Like my dear grandmother of years past, I intend to share and cherish these photos with my family in California. My daddy’s legacy of home and family lives on through my nine year old granddaughter who recently stated that if given any place in the world to visit, she chose Arkansas where my Papa is buried.

She signed the email, “Looking forward to visiting your wonderful state and celebrating Decoration Day soon.” What’s your Decoration Day story?  What does the tradition mean to you?  I’d love to hear from you, see your photos, and share your stories with readers.  And I am so honored Karen allowed me share her beautiful story here.

Thoughts on a Landscape of Faith. By NElda Ault.

Fayette Cemetery facing west. Photo by NElda Ault.

I received an email the other day from good friend and fellow folklorist NElda Ault, which contained three beautiful photos of Decoration Days near her home in rural, central Utah.

Throughout our graduate school days, NElda and I spent a great deal of time talking about the nuances in the drastically different landscapes we call home.  I remember one afternoon as we were driving through rural Kentucky, a landscape that is much like my native Arkansas,  she mentioned how she missed the wide, expanse of the desert.  The hills and thick groves of trees in the southern mountains, she explained, felt cramped in comparison to the openness she was used to back home in Utah.

That comment stayed with me.  Although I had never been to Utah, I suspect the openness would overwhelm me and leave me longing for thick clusters of vegetation.  We went on to have many subsequent conversations, ruminating on how the landscapes we internalize in our childhood years often frames our adult perceptions of the world—past, present, even future. I love the way NElda helped me to understand more about what it means to call a place home.  Whenever I see a photo of the western deserts or those huge mountains, I think of NElda and her love for open spaces.

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The Seed and the Story—-Decoration Days

Decoration Day at Brearly Cemetery, Dardanelle Arkansas 2011.

I have recently been given the wonderful opportunity of writing a regular column for the Post Dispatch,a weekly paper based in Dardanelle, Arkansas which is also the oldest newspaper in Arkansas.   It’s been a long-time dream of mine to contribute to this paper, and I am beyond thankful for this opportunity. I’ll be writing a column entitled “The Seed and the Story,” which will discuss topics such as folklife, memory, community, family, sense of place, sustainability, community-based action, intergenerational dialog, and who knows what else.

I’m sure every now and then I’ll have something to say about dogs and mules or babies  and flowers or guitars and clotheslines or human rights activism and compost. I don’t want to put too fine a point on what the column is about because more than anything I want it to be open to new ideas and reflective of the diverse communities within my Dardanelle home as well as ideas and concepts I’m learning from my new Little Rock experience.

Most importantly I want the column to be interactive. My goals is to contribute, in my own small way, to spurring discussion in my home community and possibly even other places as well. So, I hope you’ll join me in sharing your stories, ideas, thoughts, concerns, you name it. I truly believe the best way for dialoging about home (the good and the bad aspects of it) is starting with what we know—our own stories and experiences.

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What’s In the Works ~ The McElroy House: Center for Regional Oral History and Folklife Research

After much thought and time spent wondering where to go from here, I have decided to begin the process of creating a small oral history and folklife research center in my hometown. I have included my plans and ideas for the Center listed at the bottom of this post. I welcome any feedback! Continue reading »

Decoration Days and Mother’s Day—beginning research

In the next few weeks, people all around the Yell County, Arkansas area will be decorating family graves. For our family Saturday the 9th is Decoration Day at Brearley, Cottontown, and Chickelah Cemeteries. The following week is Decoration Day at Harkey’s Valley cemetery. Sandwiched in between all these Decoration Days is Mother’s Day, a time when many mothers wear corsages to honor their own mothers—a red one if your mother is still living, a white one if your mother has passed away.My family always kept these traditions alive, and I have always tried to be a somewhat active participant in the tradition bearing. But this year especially I find myself very interested in these traditions and what they mean to the community as a whole and to each individual who takes part. I am curious what others know about these holidays and how they are celebrated.
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My Wonderful Mother: Whose Memory Do You Carry?

I am curious, whose memory do you carry in your life? Whose life and attributes do you think about when you contemplate the folklorist, activist, cultural worker type person you want to be?

Let me explain why I am so curious about this.

Due to the illness and recent loss of my dear and wonderful mother, it’s been over two months since I have really posted any new writing to this blog. Since my mother’s death over a month ago I continue to spend a lot of time thinking about who she was and the legacy of perseverance, hope, courage and love she left for all of those who knew her. My mother was a woman who gave everything to what she believed in, namely that people are sacred and deserving of love and hope. I feel so honored I was able to care for her and spend the last few months of her life listening to and learning from her. As I try to figure out how to move forward, I wonder how I can incorporate her memory and spirit into my daily life.
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